Moving on

First of all, I know I sounded like a stupid little girl in that last post. I should probably delete it, but I’m not going to. I want to leave it there because it’s how I really feel, not some manufactured me that I usually pretend to be when I post. I’m going to try to be more “me” on this blog from now on.

Now, back to the original purpose of this post. I’ve bought another domain. I wasn’t going to, but I miss having my own site, so I couldn’t resist. I haven’t had time to do anything with it yet, but I’m going to start on that in the morning. So, in the near future I’m going to be blogging at briehasissues.com. Yay!

I would like to start working on it tonight, but I’m just too tired. We’ve been out running around since Andrew got back from cleaning out his car. We mostly drove around looking for old cemeteries to explore. Most people might think we’re strange for doing that, but we enjoy it. But I’m beat, and I’m heading off to bed. Goodnight!

Jealousy

You know, I’d love to be able to say that I’m not a jealous girlfriend, but then I’d be lying. I’m not like some people I know who get pissed off whenever a girl (even family!) is near her man, but I do get pretty upset over some girls. The thing is, I just don’t let anyone know it.

Andrew has a lot of female friends. Most of them I don’t worry about. There’s one that I do worry about, though. The one he used to date that keeps trying to hook up with him again. But that’s not even what this post is about.

His best friend is a girl, and most of the time it seems that he’d rather be with her than with me. We went to Coolidge Park in Chattanooga yesterday, and he spent the whole day walking around with her. When the kids rode the carousel, he wanted to ride too but said he didn’t have anyone to ride with. I told him I would ride, and he said, “I wanted A… to ride with me.” We were out running around today, and he said he was going to take the kids and I home so he could clean out his car. The girl was here when we pulled up, and he said, “Oh, A.. can ride with me to clean out my car!” WTF? He wanted to bring us home to get rid of us. I would have gladly went and helped him, but he’d rather she go.

How can I not be jealous of that? He makes me feel like shit. It always feels like he’d rather be with anyone but me. If that’s what it is, why is he even with me? I’m beginning to think it would be so much easier to just let him go and be alone. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to be in another one-sided relationship. What am I supposed to do?

I want to write

I really, really want to write, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say. Right now, I’m just typing the first thing that pops into my head. That could make for a very confusing post, but oh well. There are just things in my head that need to come out. I’ll probably feel much better once I’m done. At least I hope so.

Andrew is in a pissy mood right now. I don’t have a clue as to what’s wrong with him. He won’t talk to me. He was fine earlier. We were cleaning the house together – I was cleaning the kitchen and he was cleaning the living room. He even hung a few pictures. Then, his granny came over and brought us some things she’d picked up for us at Wal-Mart. After that, he was still fine. I made the kids get in the tub, and by the time they got out he was in a crappy mood.

He scolded Gracie for moving the keyboard. He almost never gets onto the kids for anything, and I think he hurt her feelings. Arien is usually stuck up his ass, but even she could tell that something was wrong, and she stayed away from him. He kept going outside and walking around for a few minutes, then coming back in and hiding out in the bathroom, then going back out. Everytime he would go out, Arien would watch him out the window. She’s afraid he’s going to leave and never come back. She started crying once when she couldn’t see him anymore.

He’s finally staying inside for the time being. He told me that he has a headache, but he wouldn’t take the Excedrine that I tried to give him. I really hate it when he gets like this. I was in an unusually good mood (for me, anyway) until he started acting this way. I don’t know why his moods affect me so strongly. It kills me to see him feeling this way, but I just don’t know what to do about it. I wish he would just talk to me. If the two of us could just sit down and talk about a few of our issues, life would be so much better.

It’s not like things haven’t been going great between us lately, though. We’ve been trying to get pregnant since late October, and although we haven’t been successful yet, I have a feeling that we will be soon. Besides, making babies is fun. We’re going to be moving to a new town within the next few weeks, and we’ve been spending a lot of time planning that. We’re both excited about it, and the kids are too. It’s starting to feel like we’re a real, complete family. I’ve never felt that way before, not even with the girls’ dad. I love it, and I love Andrew. I just want him to feel better.

Let the Sewing Begin!

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before or not, but my sister and I are making a quilt for our parents for Christmas. It’s going to be a random placement of 4.5″ squares. You know, something easy and quick. We need to be finished by Christmas, and with the way we work, anything slightly complicated wouldn’t get done.

I finally finished cutting all of the squares this morning. There are 258 squares of 16 different fabrics. Some of them are probably a little wonky. I’m not so good at cutting. Not to mention that my rotary cutter has a hitch in it’s giddy-up. Oh well, I guess a little wonkiness will be okay.

I bought all of this fabric about a year and a half ago, I just never got around to making anything with it. (And I thought I had posted about it, but I can’t find it if I did.) Neta (my sister) has just started with the sewing, and I should probably be over there helping her instead of blogging.

better now

I think. We’ll wait and see how today goes. Yesterday started out good, but turned sour toward the end. I’m not going to go into detail right now, but I may later. We’ll see. All I really want to do right now is waste some time on Plurk, but it’s being stupid this morning. I guess that could be construed as a bad start to the day. I know it’s just a website, but it’s my favorite!

And now I must go find some breakfast. I’m starving!

Back to normal

I think my man drama (plurked here and here) is finally over. Things are back to normal for the moment. As long as neither one of us freaks out about something, we’ll be okay for a while. I hope so, anyway. I hate it when things are weird between us.

It’s quiet here right now. Andrew left about an hour ago, my kids spent the night with my stepdad, and my sister is busy texting some guy (that’s normal). I can’t stand it when it’s quiet around here. I tend to think too much and make myself sad. It’s been a great day, and I don’t want to ruin it by thinking. So, I’m hanging around plurk and trying to find something else interesting to do.

Since I’ve seen nothing but ads for Christmas stuff lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my Christmas tree. I didn’t even put one up last year, and I can’t remember why. I have an artificial tree with just about every decoration one could think of. It WILL be put up this year, though. And I want it to have some of my own handmade decorations. I made quite a few about three years ago, but my dad uses them and won’t let me have them back. See:

I think that since I have nothing better to do at the moment, and it’s too early to go to bed, I’m going to crochet a couple of these snow flakes tonight. I just have to go dig out my thread and those tiny hooks get going. Or I may make some Sweater and Stocking Minis from LMKG. I don’t know yet.

I’m really tired at the moment, and my mind is just wandering off in all directions. Can you tell? I think I’m just going to end this totally random, boring post and go to bed. I don’t care if it’s only 8:30. I’m usually a night owl, but I haven’t been able to stay up late recently. It has to be the time change, and I’ll be so very glad when I finally get used to it.

On Paper

I spent most of yesterday at my step dad’s house washing clothes. I was alone, I couldn’t find anything worth watching on tv, and there was just nothing to do. Of course, since I was without a computer and the net, I wanted to blog. I swear, I can only think of things to post when I can’t actually post. So, I did the next best thing. I wrote it down on a piece of paper.

I meant to post this when I got home yesterday, but I got busy with other things and forgot. I didn’t think about it at all until I was going through the pockets of the pants I had on yesterday looking for something I’d lost. So, here its: