It’s amazing what a nap can do!

I stopped by my mom’s house to visit today, and left there feeling better than I have in the last couple of months. All it took was a nice, long, uninterrupted nap, and I’m ready to do whatever.

I didn’t mean to go to sleep, but there’s just something about being at Mom’s house that puts me right to sleep. She usually wakes me up, but today she took care of Arien until she went to sleep too. She did wake me up when she left to go grocery shopping, but since Arien was still sleeping, I laid back down too.

I feel fantastic now. Thanks, Mom!

Searching

School started back today, the whole holiday mess is over, so starting tomorrow I’m going to throw myself in to a job search. I’ve taken my online search as far as I can. I’ve put in quite a few applications on the net, but most are for jobs in Chattanooga, and I don’t want to drive that far to work if I don’t have to. I think I’d take any job right now, though, no matter what it was. I’m tired of being broke, and I just need something to do. I feel so useless.

I still haven’t been sleeping much. No matter how tired I am when I go to bed, my mind starts wandering and I lay there awake worrying about stupid things, or thinking about things that happened a long time ago. You know, things that shouldn’t even bother me. And even if I do fall asleep, I have bad dreams and I don’t get much rest.

Since I stay tired all the time, I’m always in a bad mood. I find myself being short-tempered with the girls, and that’s just not good. I want my kids to be happy, and not have to worry about making mommy mad. My mom was always like that when I was growing up, and that’s probably part of the reason I’m so screwed up. I’m turning into her, and I don’t like that.

If I don’t start feeling better and getting back to my old self, I’m going to have to go see a doctor. There’s something wrong with me, and I don’t know how to fix it.