On Spending Nights Alone

It’s after 3 AM. My husband is at work, my kids are asleep, and I’m sitting here alone. I hate being alone at night. I get nervous and it’s hard for me to fall asleep. I wish Andrew was here to hold me. I know I wouldn’t have a problem falling asleep if he was. I hate to admit it, but I’m still afraid of the dark. I’ll be 30 in a week, and I’m still afraid. I’m weird. I know.

I haven’t been getting much sleep since Andrew started working 3rd shift. I’m just so uncomfortable by myself at night and I have a really hard time falling asleep. I know I need to find a way to get over this, but I’m just not sure how. I think I’m going to have to do some research on the subject. “Help for old people who are still afraid of the dark.” That’s probably what I need to look up.

I’m going to try to fall asleep now. I know if I don’t get enough sleep I’ll have a seizure in the morning, and I can’t have that happening. I especially don’t need to have a seizure at work. I need all the hours I can get.

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Head Cold

I’ve had a head cold for the last few days. I get one this time every year. I guess it’s the change in the weather. It’s starting to get cooler and my sinuses start messing up. I feel like shit, and I’ll be so glad when it’s over. Feeling like this makes work suck even more than it already did. But I’ve been going anyway. Good-old reliable me. I work even right after I’ve had a seizure. I wish I could be like everyone else I work with and just not give a damn. I can’t do it, though. I’ve tried.

I’m sitting here right now watching “The Breakfast Club” and wishing my husband was here with me. He works 3rd shift at a gas station, so he’s gone all night almost every night. He gets bored and calls me sometimes and we talk for a while between customers. He puts the phone down when someone comes in and I have to listen to him talk to them. He says the same thing to almost everybody – “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

I swear, he knows everybody. He’s the kind of person who will talk to anybody that will talk back to him. That’s why this job is so perfect for him. I just miss having him home with me at night. I was used to having him to cuddle with at night, then he started working 3rd shift and I had to learn to sleep alone. I’m still not used to that. At first I let the baby sleep with me, but now he can crawl and he woke up one night while I was still asleep and crawled right off the bed. My bed isn’t exactly low, either. It amazed me that he could fall that far and not be hurt. I didn’t want to take any more chances, though, so he sleeps in his crib now.

All of my kids are asleep right now. School starts tomorrow, so my girls have a big day ahead of them. They’re both so excited to finally be going back. It’s been a long summer, and they’re ready to go see their friends. Especially Gracie. She’s that age where being around other girls is all she cares about. They only put one of her friends in her class this year, though, so she’s going to have to make some new ones. That’ll be easy for her, though. She’s good at making friends.

And I’m Back Yet Again

It’s been a really long time since I’ve written anything. I’ve been thinking about writing a lot lately, and now I’m finally going to.

We’ve been living in Georgia for over a year now. I like it down here. The girls do too. They like the school they’re in down here better than they ever did the one they went to in Tennessee. I’m glad they like it down here, because I’m not ready to move back to Tennessee anytime soon.

I got married on May 6 of this year. Finally. Yes, it was to the guy that my last couple of posts were about. We’re as happy as can be. Our son, Bentley, was born at the end of last December. I know, we did it backwards. Hey, it all worked out for the best.

I haven’t been knitting much lately. I just haven’t had time. I work 6 days a week, and there’s always something going on at home. I still love it, I just haven’t had a chance. I’m sure I will someday, though.

It’s getting late now. I should probably go to bed some time soon. I have to work pretty early in the morning. I’m going to try to start posting more frequently now, though. I promise!

Moving on

First of all, I know I sounded like a stupid little girl in that last post. I should probably delete it, but I’m not going to. I want to leave it there because it’s how I really feel, not some manufactured me that I usually pretend to be when I post. I’m going to try to be more “me” on this blog from now on.

Now, back to the original purpose of this post. I’ve bought another domain. I wasn’t going to, but I miss having my own site, so I couldn’t resist. I haven’t had time to do anything with it yet, but I’m going to start on that in the morning. So, in the near future I’m going to be blogging at briehasissues.com. Yay!

I would like to start working on it tonight, but I’m just too tired. We’ve been out running around since Andrew got back from cleaning out his car. We mostly drove around looking for old cemeteries to explore. Most people might think we’re strange for doing that, but we enjoy it. But I’m beat, and I’m heading off to bed. Goodnight!

Jealousy

You know, I’d love to be able to say that I’m not a jealous girlfriend, but then I’d be lying. I’m not like some people I know who get pissed off whenever a girl (even family!) is near her man, but I do get pretty upset over some girls. The thing is, I just don’t let anyone know it.

Andrew has a lot of female friends. Most of them I don’t worry about. There’s one that I do worry about, though. The one he used to date that keeps trying to hook up with him again. But that’s not even what this post is about.

His best friend is a girl, and most of the time it seems that he’d rather be with her than with me. We went to Coolidge Park in Chattanooga yesterday, and he spent the whole day walking around with her. When the kids rode the carousel, he wanted to ride too but said he didn’t have anyone to ride with. I told him I would ride, and he said, “I wanted A… to ride with me.” We were out running around today, and he said he was going to take the kids and I home so he could clean out his car. The girl was here when we pulled up, and he said, “Oh, A.. can ride with me to clean out my car!” WTF? He wanted to bring us home to get rid of us. I would have gladly went and helped him, but he’d rather she go.

How can I not be jealous of that? He makes me feel like shit. It always feels like he’d rather be with anyone but me. If that’s what it is, why is he even with me? I’m beginning to think it would be so much easier to just let him go and be alone. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to be in another one-sided relationship. What am I supposed to do?

I want to write

I really, really want to write, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say. Right now, I’m just typing the first thing that pops into my head. That could make for a very confusing post, but oh well. There are just things in my head that need to come out. I’ll probably feel much better once I’m done. At least I hope so.

Andrew is in a pissy mood right now. I don’t have a clue as to what’s wrong with him. He won’t talk to me. He was fine earlier. We were cleaning the house together – I was cleaning the kitchen and he was cleaning the living room. He even hung a few pictures. Then, his granny came over and brought us some things she’d picked up for us at Wal-Mart. After that, he was still fine. I made the kids get in the tub, and by the time they got out he was in a crappy mood.

He scolded Gracie for moving the keyboard. He almost never gets onto the kids for anything, and I think he hurt her feelings. Arien is usually stuck up his ass, but even she could tell that something was wrong, and she stayed away from him. He kept going outside and walking around for a few minutes, then coming back in and hiding out in the bathroom, then going back out. Everytime he would go out, Arien would watch him out the window. She’s afraid he’s going to leave and never come back. She started crying once when she couldn’t see him anymore.

He’s finally staying inside for the time being. He told me that he has a headache, but he wouldn’t take the Excedrine that I tried to give him. I really hate it when he gets like this. I was in an unusually good mood (for me, anyway) until he started acting this way. I don’t know why his moods affect me so strongly. It kills me to see him feeling this way, but I just don’t know what to do about it. I wish he would just talk to me. If the two of us could just sit down and talk about a few of our issues, life would be so much better.

It’s not like things haven’t been going great between us lately, though. We’ve been trying to get pregnant since late October, and although we haven’t been successful yet, I have a feeling that we will be soon. Besides, making babies is fun. We’re going to be moving to a new town within the next few weeks, and we’ve been spending a lot of time planning that. We’re both excited about it, and the kids are too. It’s starting to feel like we’re a real, complete family. I’ve never felt that way before, not even with the girls’ dad. I love it, and I love Andrew. I just want him to feel better.

Let the Sewing Begin!

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before or not, but my sister and I are making a quilt for our parents for Christmas. It’s going to be a random placement of 4.5″ squares. You know, something easy and quick. We need to be finished by Christmas, and with the way we work, anything slightly complicated wouldn’t get done.

Quilt Squares

I finally finished cutting all of the squares this morning. There are 258 squares of 16 different fabrics. Some of them are probably a little wonky. I’m not so good at cutting. Not to mention that my rotary cutter has a hitch in it’s giddy-up. Oh well, I guess a little wonkiness will be okay.

I bought all of this fabric about a year and a half ago, I just never got around to making anything with it. (And I thought I had posted about it, but I can’t find it if I did.) Neta (my sister) has just started with the sewing, and I should probably be over there helping her instead of blogging.


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