Archive for March, 2003

got fries to go with that shake?

When we were out earlier, Jamie and I went to McDonalds to get the kids some food. The guy in the bubble (that’s the pay-only drive through window) was totally hot. Now, most people wouldn’t think so, but to me he was. He noticed me checking him out, and he was looking at me like he was trying to figure out where he knew me from. I wonder if he’s figured it out yet. You see, I used to date his older brother. I don’t know why I never noticed how hot he was back then. He looks exactly the same. Since we went there, I have been fighting the urge to go back and see if he’s still there. I’m in the mood for some major…er…flirting.

I wonder whatever happened to his brother. I haven’t seen him around in almost 2 years. Hmmm. How come people I’ve dated just seem to disappear. I can only account for one ex’s whereabouts, and that’s Wayne. I guess he’s the only one that counts though.


she’s so excited

Arien gets so excited whenever she sees me. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Gracie doesn’t even get excited to see me. She never really has. She’s always been a daddy’s girl, or an anybody else but mommy’s girl. Arien is going to be mommy’s girl. She’s sitting in her chair beside me right now just jabbering away and laughing at me. To her, every move I make is funny.

I actually got to go out for a while today. Gracie and I went riding around with my cousin and two of her kids. We had a pretty good time, until Gracie and Paige started fighting. They can’t stay together long without getting into it. They’re too much alike.

I’m going to apply for a job at Taco Bell. They’re hiring right now, and I need a second job. More money so I can afford to get my own place. I’m so fed up with living with my mom. I can’t get a minute’s privacy around here. Not even in the bathroom. I’ve got quite a bit of experience in that area, so I’m hoping they’ll hire me.


Why does it have to be cold again? I was getting so used to warm weather. Damnit, I want to go outside. I can’t do that without taking at least one kid. It’s about 40 degrees outside, and that’s too cold for even Gracie to go out.

Arien is getting really good at sucking her thumb. I didn’t want that to happen. It’s okay for her to suck a pacifier. I could always “lose” that, and then she wouldn’t have it anymore (like I did with Gracie), but she’ll always have her thumb. Gracie never did suck her thumb, and I lost her last pacifier when she was 2 months old, and she never took another one. I didn’t lose it on purpose, though. I found it quite a while later down in the couch.

I’m seeing things

There’s a jacket hanging on the closet doorknob. I swear it just moved. Heh. I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. I always see things in the dark, though. I’m such a chicken. If my brother wasn’t sleeping in here, I’d definitely have the light on!

I need to go to bed, but I don’t have anywhere to sleep right now. My bed is the couch, and Gracie is asleep there. My mom and stepdad are sitting in the living room talking, so I probably wouldn’t be able to go to sleep anyway. If I did manage to doze off, I’d just dream about either what they are talking about or what’s on tv. It’s going to be hell getting up to go to church in the morning. Church starts at 9 am central time, but the church is in the Eastern timezone, so it’s not so early for everybody else that goes there. Then we have Sunday School. I really don’t want to go to Sunday School. I know they’ll make me discuss things and answer questions, and I can’t do that. I’m afraid to talk sometimes, especially in groups like that. There are only certain people I can talk to. That’s what I miss about being with Wayne. I could talk to him about anything, and I didn’t worry about looking stupid.

I guess I should get back to what I was doing. I’m researching different diets. I’m not sure if I can follow one, though. I may just end up doing it my own way.

I hate drinking water

I really do. But I’m on a diet, so I have to. Yep, I started today. I’m not going to write about all that here, though. I’ve started a diet journal, and I’m going to put all my diet related stuff there.

Gracie is listening to her Veggie Tales cd for about the 5th time in a row. It’s getting to be a little annoying, but I’m learning to tune it out. She’s having fun dancing around and singing. Arien is having fun watching her. She’s sitting in her rocker just laughing her cute little head off at Gracie. Arien loves Gracie so much. She just lights up whenever she sees her. I try to get Gracie to talk to her more often, but she just won’t do it.

Baby’s crying, gotta go!

it’s almost 11:00

But it feels like it’s only about 7 am. I guess it’s because Gracie is still asleep. She woke up this morning and yelled for me to come and get her. My stepdad was sleeping in the recliner, and he went and layed down with her. I guess she went back to sleep. She’ll sleep as long as somebody’s in the bed with her.

I thought about something the other day. Wayne makes absolutely no sense. He was all concerned about visitation and shit, right? Well, he didn’t even ask how the girls were or if he could come and see them. Stupid fuck. I think he was just doing that to piss me off.
Continue reading ‘it’s almost 11:00′

all shopped out

I had a pretty good time shopping today. I got a new outfit, and I just new that it was going to look great. I really should’ve tried it on in the store, but I had my Timberland’s on, and they’re too much trouble to take on/off to try on clothes. I got home and tried on the outfit, and it looked like shit. At least I think it did anyway. I just don’t like the way I look in clothes. That’s why I always wear jeans and big men’s t-shirts. I’m too fat to wear anything else. Seeing how I looked in those clothes made me feel awful. I have to wear a size larger now than I did before I got pregnant with Arien. I was in the smallest size I’ve ever been in then.

I really need to do something about this. I’m so tired of being fat. I wish I could just wake up one day and be in somebody else’s body, but I know that’s never going to happen. So, that’s it. Tomorrow, I’m going to take those god-awful clothes back and get my money. Then I’m going to buy a gym membership and go on a diet. I mean it.