Archive for January, 2009

I want to write

I really, really want to write, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say. Right now, I’m just typing the first thing that pops into my head. That could make for a very confusing post, but oh well. There are just things in my head that need to come out. I’ll probably feel much better once I’m done. At least I hope so.

Andrew is in a pissy mood right now. I don’t have a clue as to what’s wrong with him. He won’t talk to me. He was fine earlier. We were cleaning the house together – I was cleaning the kitchen and he was cleaning the living room. He even hung a few pictures. Then, his granny came over and brought us some things she’d picked up for us at Wal-Mart. After that, he was still fine. I made the kids get in the tub, and by the time they got out he was in a crappy mood.

He scolded Gracie for moving the keyboard. He almost never gets onto the kids for anything, and I think he hurt her feelings. Arien is usually stuck up his ass, but even she could tell that something was wrong, and she stayed away from him. He kept going outside and walking around for a few minutes, then coming back in and hiding out in the bathroom, then going back out. Everytime he would go out, Arien would watch him out the window. She’s afraid he’s going to leave and never come back. She started crying once when she couldn’t see him anymore.

He’s finally staying inside for the time being. He told me that he has a headache, but he wouldn’t take the Excedrine that I tried to give him. I really hate it when he gets like this. I was in an unusually good mood (for me, anyway) until he started acting this way. I don’t know why his moods affect me so strongly. It kills me to see him feeling this way, but I just don’t know what to do about it. I wish he would just talk to me. If the two of us could just sit down and talk about a few of our issues, life would be so much better.

It’s not like things haven’t been going great between us lately, though. We’ve been trying to get pregnant since late October, and although we haven’t been successful yet, I have a feeling that we will be soon. Besides, making babies is fun. We’re going to be moving to a new town within the next few weeks, and we’ve been spending a lot of time planning that. We’re both excited about it, and the kids are too. It’s starting to feel like we’re a real, complete family. I’ve never felt that way before, not even with the girls’ dad. I love it, and I love Andrew. I just want him to feel better.