Archive for the 'life' Category

On Spending Nights Alone

It’s after 3 AM. My husband is at work, my kids are asleep, and I’m sitting here alone. I hate being alone at night. I get nervous and it’s hard for me to fall asleep. I wish Andrew was here to hold me. I know I wouldn’t have a problem falling asleep if he was. I hate to admit it, but I’m still afraid of the dark. I’ll be 30 in a week, and I’m still afraid. I’m weird. I know.

I haven’t been getting much sleep since Andrew started working 3rd shift. I’m just so uncomfortable by myself at night and I have a really hard time falling asleep. I know I need to find a way to get over this, but I’m just not sure how. I think I’m going to have to do some research on the subject. “Help for old people who are still afraid of the dark.” That’s probably what I need to look up.

I’m going to try to fall asleep now. I know if I don’t get enough sleep I’ll have a seizure in the morning, and I can’t have that happening. I especially don’t need to have a seizure at work. I need all the hours I can get.


Head Cold

I’ve had a head cold for the last few days. I get one this time every year. I guess it’s the change in the weather. It’s starting to get cooler and my sinuses start messing up. I feel like shit, and I’ll be so glad when it’s over. Feeling like this makes work suck even more than it already did. But I’ve been going anyway. Good-old reliable me. I work even right after I’ve had a seizure. I wish I could be like everyone else I work with and just not give a damn. I can’t do it, though. I’ve tried.

I’m sitting here right now watching “The Breakfast Club” and wishing my husband was here with me. He works 3rd shift at a gas station, so he’s gone all night almost every night. He gets bored and calls me sometimes and we talk for a while between customers. He puts the phone down when someone comes in and I have to listen to him talk to them. He says the same thing to almost everybody – “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

I swear, he knows everybody. He’s the kind of person who will talk to anybody that will talk back to him. That’s why this job is so perfect for him. I just miss having him home with me at night. I was used to having him to cuddle with at night, then he started working 3rd shift and I had to learn to sleep alone. I’m still not used to that. At first I let the baby sleep with me, but now he can crawl and he woke up one night while I was still asleep and crawled right off the bed. My bed isn’t exactly low, either. It amazed me that he could fall that far and not be hurt. I didn’t want to take any more chances, though, so he sleeps in his crib now.

All of my kids are asleep right now. School starts tomorrow, so my girls have a big day ahead of them. They’re both so excited to finally be going back. It’s been a long summer, and they’re ready to go see their friends. Especially Gracie. She’s that age where being around other girls is all she cares about. They only put one of her friends in her class this year, though, so she’s going to have to make some new ones. That’ll be easy for her, though. She’s good at making friends.

And I’m Back Yet Again

It’s been a really long time since I’ve written anything. I’ve been thinking about writing a lot lately, and now I’m finally going to.

We’ve been living in Georgia for over a year now. I like it down here. The girls do too. They like the school they’re in down here better than they ever did the one they went to in Tennessee. I’m glad they like it down here, because I’m not ready to move back to Tennessee anytime soon.

I got married on May 6 of this year. Finally. Yes, it was to the guy that my last couple of posts were about. We’re as happy as can be. Our son, Bentley, was born at the end of last December. I know, we did it backwards. Hey, it all worked out for the best.

I haven’t been knitting much lately. I just haven’t had time. I work 6 days a week, and there’s always something going on at home. I still love it, I just haven’t had a chance. I’m sure I will someday, though.

It’s getting late now. I should probably go to bed some time soon. I have to work pretty early in the morning. I’m going to try to start posting more frequently now, though. I promise!


You know, I’d love to be able to say that I’m not a jealous girlfriend, but then I’d be lying. I’m not like some people I know who get pissed off whenever a girl (even family!) is near her man, but I do get pretty upset over some girls. The thing is, I just don’t let anyone know it.

Andrew has a lot of female friends. Most of them I don’t worry about. There’s one that I do worry about, though. The one he used to date that keeps trying to hook up with him again. But that’s not even what this post is about.

His best friend is a girl, and most of the time it seems that he’d rather be with her than with me. We went to Coolidge Park in Chattanooga yesterday, and he spent the whole day walking around with her. When the kids rode the carousel, he wanted to ride too but said he didn’t have anyone to ride with. I told him I would ride, and he said, “I wanted A… to ride with me.” We were out running around today, and he said he was going to take the kids and I home so he could clean out his car. The girl was here when we pulled up, and he said, “Oh, A.. can ride with me to clean out my car!” WTF? He wanted to bring us home to get rid of us. I would have gladly went and helped him, but he’d rather she go.

How can I not be jealous of that? He makes me feel like shit. It always feels like he’d rather be with anyone but me. If that’s what it is, why is he even with me? I’m beginning to think it would be so much easier to just let him go and be alone. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to be in another one-sided relationship. What am I supposed to do?

Back to normal

I think my man drama (plurked here and here) is finally over. Things are back to normal for the moment. As long as neither one of us freaks out about something, we’ll be okay for a while. I hope so, anyway. I hate it when things are weird between us.

It’s quiet here right now. Andrew left about an hour ago, my kids spent the night with my stepdad, and my sister is busy texting some guy (that’s normal). I can’t stand it when it’s quiet around here. I tend to think too much and make myself sad. It’s been a great day, and I don’t want to ruin it by thinking. So, I’m hanging around plurk and trying to find something else interesting to do.

Since I’ve seen nothing but ads for Christmas stuff lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my Christmas tree. I didn’t even put one up last year, and I can’t remember why. I have an artificial tree with just about every decoration one could think of. It WILL be put up this year, though. And I want it to have some of my own handmade decorations. I made quite a few about three years ago, but my dad uses them and won’t let me have them back. See:


I think that since I have nothing better to do at the moment, and it’s too early to go to bed, I’m going to crochet a couple of these snow flakes tonight. I just have to go dig out my thread and those tiny hooks get going. Or I may make some Sweater and Stocking Minis from LMKG. I don’t know yet.

I’m really tired at the moment, and my mind is just wandering off in all directions. Can you tell? I think I’m just going to end this totally random, boring post and go to bed. I don’t care if it’s only 8:30. I’m usually a night owl, but I haven’t been able to stay up late recently. It has to be the time change, and I’ll be so very glad when I finally get used to it.

On Paper

I spent most of yesterday at my step dad’s house washing clothes. I was alone, I couldn’t find anything worth watching on tv, and there was just nothing to do. Of course, since I was without a computer and the net, I wanted to blog. I swear, I can only think of things to post when I can’t actually post. So, I did the next best thing. I wrote it down on a piece of paper.

I meant to post this when I got home yesterday, but I got busy with other things and forgot. I didn’t think about it at all until I was going through the pockets of the pants I had on yesterday looking for something I’d lost. So, here its:
Continue reading ‘On Paper’

Lots of whining

Yesterday my sister had a job interview. She recently left her husband, and he burned all of her possessions, so she had to go get her social security card, driver’s license, birth certificate, etc. before her interview. That required driving all over hell and back, and Andrew and I went with her.

I had planned on going home before she went to Scottsboro for her interview, but they didn’t have time to take me. I had to call my stepdad to get the kids off the bus for me. I told him to take them to their dad’s house and I would pick them up when I got back. They were supposed to go to his house anyway, but Arien didn’t want to so I told her to come on home. When I told my stepdad that, he started bitching about how I let the kids do whatever they want to and that sometimes I’m going to have to make them do things they don’t want to. And that pissed me off.

When I got off the phone, Andrew started bitching about how it was mean to make them go to their dad’s house. He, of course, hates their dad and doesn’t ever want them to go there. But that just pissed me off even more and inspired this plurk.

I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day. When my stepdad got the kids off the bus, he called me and said “They don’t want to go to their dad’s house, so I’m going to take them home with me.” So much for making them do things they don’t want to do. I just can’t win.

I was planning on whining a little more about other things, but I can’t think straight at the moment. My sister is sitting in here with me talking about myspace, and I know she’s just dying for me to get off the computer so she can flirt with some guys. So, I’m going to go make myself useful and clean something.